Getting Through A Connective Tissue Disorder Day

My embolistic hit brain needs things laid out clearly or panic, vertigo and unending uneasiness set in.  I sit down then, put my head in my hands or lay down under the window and become immobile.  At least I want to.

My Connective Tissue Disorder Life Day-Bloom

Many times the lack of clarity leads me to wander around the room or house through a confusing mental fog.  I need structure and order during my day.  I need an easy to understand roadmap that helps me keep moving forward, something to held avoid the confusion stroke related dyslexia and ADHD brings.

So when I lay awake at night staring at the stars out the window, I see my day and my week and the year in the form of a big circle, like a clock, probably due to looking at clocks now for fifty seven years.

Even fresh ground coffee in the French press does little to clear out the fog.

But pictures so help.

Since I love flowers I thought I would take the 'clock' concept of a day and turn it into a blossom, a bloom, a 'day-bloom'.

I have printed my day-bloom out and attached to the kitchen refrigerator.  The kitchen refrigerator is an important place to me because it is where I usually end up after wandering around wondering.

When I open the stainless door a flood of bright light rolls out of the cold ice box.  I usually stand still for several minutes mesmerized by the potential snacks and cold air enveloping my feet.  Then the thought of sardines in the pantry and the humming sound of the refrigerator compressor kicking in shakes me out of my zombie like state and I shut the door.

Now my day-bloom will be there, right in front of my face to remind me of what I think I need to be doing.

Yesterday while riding in the vehicle with a friend I kept falling forward and couldn't keep my eyes open, probably because events of the last couple months have given me an excuse for not focusing on my day-bloom schedule.  Remembering the doctor has told me that my number one job was to 'stay alive', I am going to try and stick to consistent physical therapy, exercise and rest.

Using pretty pictures is more fun than a bulleted list.

I can't even seem to keep my eyes open to write this post and it is only 10:20 am.  Struggling with the side effects of the meds controlling a barely beating but loudly beating heart when it is behaving is tough.

Now, life seems like  it may contain only a few really important things; like family, friends and Love.

My day-bloom reminds me of this.

Even when I do not have my reading glasses with me.

Because I can see the hearts and the smiling sun.  And one more smile for me.